Care after Stillbirth
The coming birth of a child carries eager hope - the anticipation of seeing and holding new life. A stillbirth brings pain that can be difficult to express.
Losing a baby touches parents, extended family, and friends in deeply personal ways. It is a unique loss that affects every part of life. Marc remembers one couple who lost their baby at the last moment because of a complication beyond anyone's control. Sometimes it happens because of an underlying medical condition. But there are ways of bringing gentleness even to this moment.
Guide for a Service
Arranging a Service
Including young children
Scripture and music
Additional Support
Grief support
Support from Centrelink
Guide for a Service
If you arrange a service, it can be helpful for the tone and setting to feel gentle and warm. Such a service may be more informal than a traditional funeral, creating a space that reflects the love and care you wish to express. You may wish to have a public funeral or memorial service, without a coffin.
You may feel unsure about what to say. Speaking about the hopes and dreams you had for your baby as the pregnancy progressed can be meaningful. You could mention different stages of the pregnancy, or the dreams that different members of the family had for that child. Marc has learnt from parents who find it helpful to share photos taken during the pregnancy or of their baby. Where appropriate, this can create a tender way to honour their memory.
The space itself can reflect warmth and care. Teddy bears, balloons, and paintings can be used to decorate it.
While it is sometimes instinctive to keep young children from attending, involving them can support their grieving process over time. Children experience and process grief in unique ways, often revisiting their feelings months or years later. However, some young children might find it difficult to sit through the service. In such cases, you might consider asking a trusted family member or friend to help care for them during the service.
There are various passages in the Bible that you might turn to for strength during this time. One often used is: "For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made..." (Psalm 139:13-16, ESV). Here is a beautiful musical rendition of part of that Psalm by an Australian band.
Additional Support
It is important to acknowledge that losing a baby in this way can place unique stresses on a couple's relationship, as each person navigates their own journey of grief. Understanding and compassion for one another's experiences can be important during this time.
Parents and grandparents may wish to reach out to Compassionate Friends for assistance. They provide support through phone, online, or in-person meetings - a compassionate peer support community for those grieving the loss of a child of any age, for any reason. You might also consider asking The Stillbirth Foundation for help, or GriefShare for support groups.
There are many forms of support that Centrelink offers that might be tailored to your particular situation. See more here.