Sadly, one in four pregnancies in Australia ends in miscarriage — a reality many families endure yet seldom discuss openly. Marc recalls an elderly lady who once shared her own experience with him (it was at a time of personal pain). Though she was a grandmother at the time, the depth of her loss was still evident. Her story serves as a poignant reminder of how deeply miscarriage can affect individuals, even decades later.

And in NSW, if this happens before 20 weeks gestation, cremation or burial through a crematorium or cemetery is not typically available. Despite this, you may wish to commemorate your baby's life with a personal and meaningful moment of farewell.

If you feel it would bring you comfort, you could consider arranging a miniature service with just you and your partner. A secluded space in nature that you are familiar with — such as a favourite tree in a reserve, a hidden spot with a view, or a rock by the sea — may offer solace. 

You may wish to bring flowers, music, or a meaningful reading during your time of remembrance. There are various passages in the Bible that you might turn to for strength during this time. One that might be used in these circumstances is “For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made…” (Psalm 139:13-14).

We encourage you to grieve in a way that feels natural and healing for you. For further support and resources, we suggest visiting The Pink Elephants Support Network or Miscarriage Australia. If you would like to read of my shared personal story, read Miscarriage and Healing.

Losing a baby, with all the natural hope and dreams that come with a new life, can be an especially heart-wrenching experience for parents, extended family, and friends. It is a unique and deeply personal loss that touches every part of life.

If you arrange a service, it can be helpful for the tone and setting to feel gentle and warm. Such a service may be more informal than a traditional funeral, creating a space that reflects the love and care you wish to express.

While it is sometimes instinctive to keep young children from attending, involving them can support their grieving process over time. Children experience and process grief in unique ways, often revisiting their feelings months or years later. However, some young children might find it difficult to sit through the service. In such cases, you might consider asking a trusted family member or friend to help care for them during the service.

You may feel unsure about what to say during the service. Speaking about the hopes and dreams you had for your baby as the pregnancy progressed can be meaningful. When Marc learnt from friends and others who have lost a child in this way. Sometimes they find it helpful to share photos taken during the pregnancy or of their baby outside the womb. If appropriate, it can also create a tender way to honour their memory. 

There are various passages in the Bible that you might turn to for strength during this time. One that might be used in these circumstances is “For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made…” (Psalm 139:13-14). Here is a beautiful musical rendition of part of that Psalm by an Australian band.

If you are arranging a cremation, you may wish to inter your baby’s ashes or create a lasting memorial. Many cemeteries across metropolitan and regional NSW and ACT provide spaces designed for this purpose.

For example, with the support of the community, Hope’s Garden was established at Canobolas Gardens Crematorium in Orange. This special place offers a dedicated area for reflection and remembrance, providing comfort to families during such tender moments.

It is important to acknowledge that losing a baby in this way can place unique stresses on a couple’s relationship, as each person navigates their own journey of grief. Understanding and compassion for one another’s experiences can be key during this time. 

Parents and grandparents may wish to reach out to Compassionate Friends for assistance. They provide support through phone, online, or in-person meetings, offering a compassionate peer support community for those grieving the loss of a child of any age, for any reason. We also suggest GriefShare for support groups for people who have lost a loved one.

Losing a child or teenager is an unimaginable sorrow—one that reshapes life in ways that are hard to put into words. Every hope, every milestone, and every dream for their future can feel suddenly and painfully suspended. For parents, siblings, extended family, and friends, the grief is deep and personal, touching every part of life.

Involving Siblings and Younger Children

It’s natural to want to protect younger children from grief, but involving them in a service — in whatever way feels appropriate — can help them process their emotions over time. Children experience grief differently, sometimes revisiting their feelings months or even years later. If a younger child may find the service difficult to sit through, a trusted family member or friend could help care for them during the gathering.

What to Say During a Service

Finding the right words can feel overwhelming but sometimes having a theme can help shape a meaningful service.

Marc recalls one family who reflected their daughter's bubbly and warm character in a simple but powerful way: they chose one word that captured her essence and displayed it in metallic helium balloon letters on the stage. They also arranged elements that you might expect at a lavish birthday party, including a Mr Whippy van, creating a space that honoured her personality and the joy she brought to others.

A theme can be as simple as focusing on what made your child unique—their kindness, their love of adventure, their creativity, or the way they made others laugh. Whether through colours, music, decorations, or small touches that reflect their character, these details can make the service deeply personal and comforting.

Faith and Strength in Grief

Many turn to faith in Jesus for strength during such a profound loss. Here is a passage that may bring comfort:

“Can a woman forget her nursing child, that she should have no compassion on the son of her womb? Even these may forget, yet I will not forget you. Behold, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are continually before me.”

Isaiah 49:15–16 (ESV)

Navigating Grief as a Family

The loss of a child or teen places unique stresses on relationships. Each family member will grieve in their own way, and understanding one another’s experiences can be key in navigating this painful time together.

Parents and grandparents may wish to reach out to Compassionate Friends for assistance. They provide support through phone, online, or in-person meetings, offering a compassionate peer support community for those grieving the loss of a child of any age, for any reason. We also suggest GriefShare for support groups for people who have lost a loved one.